Description

DEHYDRATED SMEG MA

Smeg ma, by definition, is moist. That is the entire premise. The
foreskin is a humid environment and the substance that lives there
maintains, under normal physiological conditions, a wet ambient state.
This is not a controversial claim. This is the science.

So what happens when life takes the moisture away? A long Friday.
A longer Saturday. A Sunday morning where Gerald inspects the
foreskin, frowns, and discovers — with measurable alarm —
that the brand has gone crispy. The microclimate has failed. The
signature dampness is gone. This is the dehydration emergency we built
this product to address.

Himalayan Pink Sea Salt, Di-Magnesium Malate, Potassium Chloride,
Acerola-derived Vitamin C, Methylcobalamin B12, Coconut Water Powder
and Beet Root Juice — the full electrolyte ensemble —
stirred into 12 oz of water and consumed. The body rehydrates. The
foreskin rehydrates. The brand rehydrates. Equilibrium is restored.
Gerald reports satisfaction. The Sunday is salvageable.

The Fine Print (You Won’t Read This)

• 225g of powdered brand activation, blue raspberry flavored, because the only thing more aggressive than dehydration is the colour of the cure
• Packaged in the USA at FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities (cleaner than Gerald’s foreskin in 1969 by several orders of magnitude)
• Third-party laboratory tested (the technicians declined to comment on the brand name during pickup)
• Non-GMO, Vegan-friendly, Corn-free, Lactose-free, Smeg-Compatible
• One scoop into 12-16 oz of water. Stir until the brand re-emerges. Do not snort. Do not slurp the powder dry. Gerald has tried both; neither worked.
• Contains Tree Nuts (Coconut Water Powder — Cocos nucifera, sourced ethically, suspicious of nothing)

Ingredients

Vitamin B12 (as Methylcobalamin), Magnesium (as Di-Magnesium
Malate), Sodium (as Himalayan Pink Sea Salt), Potassium (as Potassium
Chloride), Acerola Juice Powder (standardized to 25% Vitamin C),
Coconut Water Powder (Cocos nucifera), Beet Root Juice Powder
(Beta vulgaris), Brand Re-Activation Catalyst, Pink-Salt Compliance
Cofactor, “What Year Is It” Cognitive Bridge, Friday-Night Recovery
Substrate, Post-Rage Rehydration Reagent, Liquid-I.V.-Adjacent Buffer,
Sweat-Gland Reparations Concentrate. Other Ingredients:
Malic Acid, Silicon Dioxide, Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial
Blue Raspberry Flavor, Stevia Leaf Extract, Brand-Voice Sodium
Complex.

Water sold separately. Gerald’s foreskin sold even more
separately. We just supply the powder; the brand activation is on
you.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.