Description

CELL TOWER NEIGHBOR PROTOCOL

The tower went up across the street in May. The HOA argued, at length, for relocation, and the HOA lost. It now stands there broadcasting whatever it broadcasts while you conduct the sort of independent research that leaves you more certain and less informed in equal measure.

This capsule takes no position on the tower. It provides Coenzyme Q-10, a real antioxidant, plus fictional tower-counter substrates — labelled fictional — offered as a gesture toward the research. The tower is real. The HOA tried. The capsule completes the gesture.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of post-HOA-defeat protocol
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: HOA-Outvoted Coverage Substrate, Across-The-Street Acknowledgement Cofactor, Independent-Research Compatibility Reagent, Whatever-It-Broadcasts Aspirational Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The tower stands. The HOA folded. The capsule salutes.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.