Description

AETHER REALIGNMENT STACK

The luminiferous aether was 19th-century physics’ best guess for what light travelled through. Michelson and Morley went looking in 1887 and found nothing; Einstein made it unnecessary in 1905; it has been retired ever since without a single fan petition. This product realigns it anyway.

The realignment is fictional and labelled fictional, as one cannot realign a medium that is not there. The capsule itself contains Coenzyme Q-10, a real antioxidant — the only load-bearing ingredient in this entire listing.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of post-relativity antioxidant
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: Michelson-Morley Non-Compliance Substrate, 19th-Century-Physics Compatibility Cofactor, Aether-Realignment Pseudo-Reagent, Pre-Einstein Aspirational Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The aether is not back. The capsule is in your hand. Only one of those is real.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.