Description

BIRDS-AREN’T-REAL COMPATIBLE

Birds Aren’t Real is a conspiracy theory whose members do not believe it — they are performing the belief as a joke about believing. That is, structurally, the exact posture of this entire product line, so we consider the two officially compatible. Solidarity, one bit to another.

Underneath the bit sits Coenzyme Q-10, a real antioxidant. Above it sits a list of surveillance-defeating substrates that are fictional and say so. Whether the birds are drones or simply birds, the capsule does the same thing either way: antioxidant support and nothing more.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of self-aware-parody-compliant intake
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: Performative-Belief Substrate, Gen-Z Solidarity Cofactor, Bird-Equivalence Coverage Reagent, Self-Aware-Parody Compatibility Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The birds remain, mathematically, real. The capsule works regardless.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.