Description

CHEMTRAIL FORESKIN DEFENSE

Chemtrails, in the literature that worries about them, are ordinary contrails accused of carrying secret payloads. In atmospheric science they are just contrails. Either way, the brand’s core anatomical territory is almost always indoors and has no meaningful exposure to the sky — but a catalog needs coverage, and now it has this.

Beneath the bit is Coenzyme Q-10, a real antioxidant. The below-the-belt aerial-defense substrates are fictional and labelled fictional, included strictly for thematic completeness. The threat is imaginary; the mitochondrial support is not.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of brand-territory aerial parody
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: Below-Belt Atmospheric Buffer, Foreskin-Sky Coverage Cofactor, Indoor-Anatomy Aerial-Defense Reagent, Contrail-Equivalence Acknowledgement Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The foreskin is, statistically, almost never outdoors. The capsule feels useful anyway.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.