Description

EMF EVICTION NOTICE

To the electromagnetic frequencies currently occupying this household: you have been squatting rent-free for years, contributing nothing, answering to no one. Consider this your formal notice to vacate. You have thirty days.

Photons are, we are legally obliged to note, not bound by tenancy law and cannot read. The capsule contains Coenzyme Q-10, a genuine antioxidant, plus a roster of eviction substrates that are openly fictional and even less binding than the notice.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of formal notice to ambient photons
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: Photon-Tenancy Termination Substrate, Ambient-Frequency Lease-Revocation Reagent, Household-Coverage Cofactor, Reasonable-Notice Compliance Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The photons are invited to leave a forwarding address. They will not.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.