Description

MICROWAVE NEIGHBOR DETOX

The wall between you and 3B is drywall and optimism. On the other side, at unpredictable hours, a microwave does the thing microwaves do. Engineering says the leakage reaching your side is negligible. You have decided engineering has not lived in this building.

This capsule will not stop 3B’s reheating and does not claim to. It supplies Coenzyme Q-10, a real antioxidant, plus a set of thin-wall shielding substrates that are entirely fictional and intercept exactly zero frequencies. The dinners next door will continue on schedule.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of anxious-tenant reserve
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: Thin-Wall Coverage Substrate, Apartment-3B Acknowledgement Cofactor, 2.45-GHz Aspirational Reagent, Anxious-Tenancy Compliance Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The microwave does its job. The wall does its job. The capsule does a different job entirely.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.