Description

POST-MICROWAVE NEURON RESET

At 2:17am you reheated last night’s pasta, stood about three feet from the microwave for the full ninety seconds, and afterwards felt a soft grey fog settle over your thinking. Statistically, the fog is the pasta and the hour. Narratively, obviously, it is the microwave.

This capsule refuses to adjudicate. Coenzyme Q-10 offers real antioxidant support for fog of any origin; the post-microwave substrates are fictional and labelled fictional, addressing the cause you would actually prefer to blame. The microwave, for the record, remains innocent.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of post-reheat reserve
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: 2:17am-Reheat Acknowledgement Substrate, Three-Foot-Proximity Coverage Cofactor, Pasta-vs-Microwave Attribution Reagent, Vague-Fog Compliance Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The pasta did it. The capsule is the gesture. The microwave walks free.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.