Description

THE WIFI HEADACHE EVICTION

The headache is real — nobody is disputing the headache. You attribute it to the router. Controlled trials attribute it, less romantically, to dehydration, screen time, posture, or sleep. You have heard this before and remain unmoved, which is your right.

This capsule diplomatically takes no side. Coenzyme Q-10 supports general mitochondrial function, plausibly useful under any of those causes; the wifi-specific substrates are fictional, labelled fictional, and cover your preferred theory. Everyone leaves satisfied except the router, which was never consulted.

The Fine Print

• 30 capsules of attribution-agnostic reserve
• Capsuled in the USA (dignity optional)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities
• Third-party lab tested (technicians declined to comment)
• Non-GMO, vegan-friendly, tinfoil-tolerant

Ingredients

Coenzyme Q-10 (Ubiquinone, 100mg) — the only ingredient that does anything. The rest are jokes, openly labelled as such: Attribution-Agnostic Substrate, Preferred-Cause Coverage Cofactor, Parsimony-Independent Reagent, Headache-Is-Real Acknowledgement Factor. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable Capsule), Rice Flour, Magnesium Stearate, Silicon Dioxide.

The headache is real. The cause is contested. The capsule floats serenely above the argument.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.