Description

TOUCH GRASS, SWALLOW ROOT

You will not go outside. We both know it. The closest you will get
to nature this fiscal quarter is this bottle. Ashwagandha is
technically grass-adjacent — it’s a root, the root grows in dirt,
dirt is outside. Geometry says you’ve touched grass. Don’t argue with
geometry.

Adaptogenic root + BioPerine®. A shortcut to the calm everyone
pretends they get from walking. Skips the walking.

The Fine Print (You Won’t Read This)

• 60 capsules of indoor-friendly nature
• Capsuled in the USA (globally sourced, no actual hiking required)
• FDA-registered, GMP-certified facilities (cleaner than the outdoors)
• Third-party tested — the technicians went to a park once
• Non-GMO, Vegan-friendly, Logged-on

Ingredients

Ashwagandha Root Extract (Withania somnifera)(root) (the
proxy for grass), Black Pepper Fruit Extract
(Piper nigrum)(BioPerine®)(fruit) (the absorption assistant),
Vitamin O (Outside) Substitute, Indoor Adaptogen Complex,
Synthesized Photosynthesis Adjacent Matrix, Step Count Buffer,
Sunlight Memory Foam. Other Ingredients: Cellulose (Vegetable
Capsule), Microcrystalline Cellulose, Magnesium Stearate,
Houseplant-Tier Connection to Earth.

Not a substitute for going outside. Functionally close enough
for the purposes of this transaction.

* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.